| | I just realized that I don't want to graduate. Not yet. I have one year left, but I'm still not done. I just stumbled upon a blog by a friend who recently graduated college, and as I read it, a great sadness came over me. Just the thought of leaving the places I'm staying now, shutting the doors to the dorm rooms for the last time, makes me sad. I will be leaving behind a pile of memories for next year's students to come in and sweep under the rugs. They will know nothing of the great times I had in every place I walked on campus. They will know nothing of the friendships I've made and the relationships I've knit with others. Thinking about all this makes my heart a little bit heavier. Just to know, that in one year, I will be telling my friends, "see you tomorrow (or in one week, or however many days from now) for graduation"; that will be a sad day. The day us young college kids, who entered so fresh and inexperienced, naive and unexpecting into our first years of college, will turn into adults. We will be expected to be responsible, to bear the weight of the world on our shoulders as we join the ranks of countless other working adults that have gone before us. All I can say is: I'm not ready. As I read the one blog, I felt for him. It's a sad time really, although I'm sure most of us think of it as a happy time. I don't. To go back and reminisce would only bring up the best memories, which would, undoubtedly, and strangely enough, sadden me. It's amazing that looking back on something so fun and exciting can bring about such melancholy. I am not ready to leave here, I am not ready to go. So, this is what I propose: I will live out this summer and this year to the BEST of my ability, not taking any experience or opportunity for granted. I will live it up, making friends and building relationships that will last, because that is what makes college what it is, so that, in 20 years when a vague memory of a college experience I had gets me thinkin', I can call those people up and relive "the good ol' days" all over again. I really don't know that I can convey just how it feels to know that in a year, my life will be flipped upside down, and what I've come to know and love will no longer be a part of my life. I'll miss the dorms, the classes, the food, the smells, the annoying people pounding on the ceiling at 2 a.m., and all of the little things that made college what it is, but I can always come back for those. Right now, I'm going to enjoy what I have, which is a WHOLE other year! A lot can happen in that time. A lot can change. I hope to see everyone in the future. Love, Jenni |
